A cat and mouse set sail,
getting drenched in the rain.
The cat had inflicted
the mouse so much pain.
Soon their ship crashed,
and they were separated at sea.
One landed upon shore
and the other with me.
I took the little mouse in,
and mended her wounds.
Who would of known
I would be left so soon.
So the little mouse left,
without a word of goodbye.
And left me only
hatred in my eye.
No more words are spoken
not a hi at the least.
so I whisper my words
and let the mighty cat feast.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
it was pretty cool.
I back that up completly, i love these sort of poems, to one person it could have a completly different meaning to another.
I loved it!
Hard to understand but still I think its wickedly tought...
Nice job I like a poem that's hard to understand as it might mean something different to different kinds of persons.
Good Job.. :thumb:
This was interesting; kind of hard to understand, but interesting nevertheless
My first impression reading this was that the rhythm seemed a little off, but I might not be saying it right. Also, the word 'so' before 'much pain' bothered me. So much pain that what? I think you should either find a different adjective or explain. Lastly, the first two lines might be more powerful if they painted more of a picture, if you used some imagery. Perhaps 'a cat and mouse set sail. Drenched and shivering in the rain' or something like that.
Where is 'me'? In the ocean? On some other part of the shore? That was a little confusing. Also, the word 'separated' seems a little blocky, interrupting the flow and rhythm of words.
Does this imply that you are also on the shore or something else? I like the last 2 lines.
Good beginning, but I have some suggestions on the second half. And left me only?' Do you mean 'and left me alone?'' or 'and left me only with'? That line was a little awkward. Secondly, why is their hatred in your eye? Is it for the cat who hurt the mouse or the mouse itself? And if you use hatred, I suggest saying 'hatred blazing in my eye' to make the hatred more tangible and alive.
I thought this was a good ending paragraph, but you might want to describe the whispered words to at least give the reader some clue of what the person is saying.
As I've said, this was interesting though at times hard to understand and could be a great start. Keep writing, good job